I talked to Sarah, our instructor, about the theme of painting on a black canvas, how the phrase “The Night Garden” felt like a hundred paintings within me. I explained that the black is like part of my life which could be called “tragic” and how I have changed so much that I feel I am in a different galaxy and how I want to share this because other people also have the “dark night of the soul” and it can be a place of transformation. To me the “Night Garden” is ripe with opportunity, filled with the colour and perfume of the garden yet dark like the inside of a cocoon in which the moment of transformation from caterpillar to butterfly is just happening. It’s like the whole string of the milky way is glittering in the moonlit dew on the flowers. There is so much hope here, in the darkness. There is so much optimism and opportunity to blossom. Where I am today couldn’t have happened without my episodes of darkness. It’s like the rich earth nourishing the unfolding, fragrant rose.
First Light, acrylic, 20" x 16", January 2015
Mauve Sprinkles, acrylic, 20"x 16", January 2015
I spent most of the day feeling anxious about painting, about what to do next, about how can I stay loose and bring in some semblance of a recognizable image. The question is what is the garden all about? Is it about individual flowers? No. Is it about texture and colour? No…. What is it – it’s not really about the garden at all, so why try to paint flowers in a garden. What about ambiguity? Isn’t it more interesting to see a sparkling brook, a shining galaxy in a garden of flowers? Isn’t it about seeing a countryside in a bunch of rocks, a forest in a spread of moss? What is it about the garden that I’m trying to paint? I’m trying to paint how I feel, but it’s not about the garden, it’s about God and about who I am. It’s about being the whole universe and seeing it in a “dewdrop”. It’s about the feeling of immensity within the borders of my own skin. How do I paint that? It’s about the agony of teetering on the edge of collapse, to suddenly discover that I am on top of the world and God is upholding me in His breath. It’s a sudden awareness that this feeling of upset happened before, just before the breakthrough. I need to sit in front of the painting and just allow it to be. I need to be with it, to Be and not to figure what to do next. It is an avenue for Me to talk to me, to “let go, let go, let go” and paint without expectation. I put 4 canvases together and I’d like to try to paint the big painting instead of getting spiraled down into something so confining.
in process
In process
RSS Feed
