Miniature Theatre and Shadowboxes.
It's hard to believe how long it's been since I blogged here, but a lot has been happening lately. I took my artwork to the local Art School - The Victoria School of Art - on Quadra St. (http://vancouverislandschoolart.com/about.html) to have a "critique" of my work, to get an idea of what direction I should focus on, with the little time that I have for my artwork. I realized in putting this website together that I have a lot of artwork in groups of themes, but no strong suit consistently showing up other than my interest in allegory and transformation.

I have been accepted for the jury process for the Sidney Art Show and have paid for three pieces to be adjudicated. I wanted some feedback on which pieces I should finish to submit. Instructor Wendy Welch was really great and her perspective really helped me discover what I've been doing and where my strengths lie. Wendy had some great questions and they allowed me to hear myself speak about my art in a way that I made new connections between what I have been doing and what comes naturally for me, what I've been trying to achieve in my painting and what I naturally do in the miniature theatre paper craft. I brought three paintings, one which was finished but felt unfinished somehow, and also three pictures of my miniature theatre and the 3D paper sculptures of the two main characters.

She loved the photos I brought of my miniature theatre and the two paper characters that are part of it.  She
gave me names of artists whose work is similar, but she said she has not seen anything like what I am doing with this
genre. She felt it was really exciting in how I used my personal archetypes. She also mentioned that the "crafting" of
the paper sculptures, and I realized that I have always leaned to "crafting" but have not held it as being valid or legitimate in the art world. I'm mechanically minded and have always loved figuring out how to make something that I have a concept of - I invented crafts for the Sunday School classes I taught and also developed programs and taught after-school and week long summer programs for kids. She reassured me that what I am doing is valid and unique. She asked that I do more and come back and show her what I've done in a couple of months.

I feel for the first time I have found what fits for me, even though paradoxically, it has been what I've been doing all my creative life - it's taken a long struggle to come to this realization! This genre really fits for me, is backed by my history of creating, the way I think in images like still-photos of a movie/story and the archetypes that speak for me.

This project fills me with energy and ideas. I have such a positive reaction to this genre, I feel I have finally allowed
myself to recognize that this is my medium and I can stop trying to be what I'm not. This genre of tableau/shadowbox/theatre has always been in my imagination and I have finally heard the words that validate this passion I have for creating a world of my own, and the powerful images that evoke the magic and discovery that motivates my creative drive. I have a million ideas, and that is amazing because I've found the genre that will allow all these pictures in my head come to fruition! (If you haven't seen the movie "Temple Grandin" yet, this is partly why I love this movie so - it shows how she thought in pictures/diagrams too!!!)

I decided with this new clarity, to change my submissions to being more "tableau art" - whether photos of the miniature theatre or shadowbox scenes - for the art show, and I would need to buy deep frames, called shadowbox frames, which I found at Michael's (http://www.michaels.com/) the other day. After looking at them, I wondered if I could make them a little deeper, more like 2" deep - which would require adding more wood to the frame. I also need to add lighting in order to make sure the viewer can see the deeper layer of scenery.

To that end, today I went to a frame shop to see if they could help me make the purchased "shadowbox" frames deeper. The first shop was closed, and I wondered what that was about. Then as I drove back along Oak Bay Avenue I went past another frame shop. I parked in front of a store called Dangerously Crafty, with Florance Simpson creating, and instructing courses in, amazing paper art craft (http://dangerouslycrafty.blogspot.com/) and went in to see what she had for inspiration. What wonderful happenstance!! If the first frame shop had been open, I'd have driven right past this store on my way back to work! Florance was interested in what I've been doing because she is a costume and set designer!!! Talk about synchronicity!!!! I will definintely go back for more! I loved the ArtChix packages of cool projects and supplies!! (http://www.artchixstudio.com/inspiration/index.html) Check it out!!! Just following the "Muse"!

I've journaled many pages to date. I think I began in earnest with following The Artist's Way ( see my Inspired by Other Media section ). I wrote whatever was on my mind, without editing, for three pages or half an hour every morning. I found that after doing that for awhile, I had less "on my mind" that was upsetting/confusing/depressing me, and - because I still had two more pages to write - I'd keep writing, but my words would change into gratitude, prayer and affirmations. When my mind was no longer turning in circles around the same issue, there was room for something else inside me to be written! This was an amazing discovery : nature abhors a vacuum, and when there was a space, my natural essence had a place to be heard!

I suggested to my, then pre-teen, daughter to journal all her anger and frustrations. I don't know how long she kept it up, but she was always in a better state of mind after journaling. I bought her a journal from our local book store, that was set up specifically for girls. It had questions at the top of the page "What is my favourite thing to do?" "Why do I like my best friend?" and other reflective suggestions. I know her writing about these ideas gave her a strong sense of herself, her priorities, and her values. She had an idea of who she was because she knew what she wanted, what she liked, where she wanted to be in ten years. This gave her clarity which led her to making decisions, as a teenager, with a good sense of whether a choice would benefit her or take her further from her path. She was responsible for her success and her well-being and her peer's choices held less weight in influencing her. I always suggest this activity to moms of pre-teen girls. It's invaluable!

Now, I have adult friends who are asking "What's going on that I can't seem to achieve what I want?" I suggest they journal, and they reply that they try but nothing happens. I journal off and on depending if I have something "on the go" - something I'm trying to work out for myself. Weeks can go by without journaling anything. What I've begun to realize is that journaling for me, is about giving voice to something that I have been unaware of, which gives me more information to be able to make different choices. It seems that my writing gives me access to beliefs and perspectives that have been unspoken until that moment of journaling. My writing is usually about trying to understand what is keeping me from something I desire to have : success, income, love - the usual!!

I start by feeling in my body, my sensations - what it feels like to be in this place of being "stuck". The other day it was "I feel like I'm in a fog about my money." It seems that the body sensations are best explained in metaphor. My experience has shown me that these sensations are from my past, mostly my childhood. This is before my ability to be articulate and verbalize how I was feeling emotionally and what was making me afraid. "....it was like wading in jello; I felt like the ground was crumbling from underneath my feet; I felt like I was going to be swallowed up and disappear." That is what I journal about - my sensations, my feelings - and explore them more deeply. I follow the metaphor and it leads to more aspects of that "nugget" of my pre-verbal choice/belief, being uncovered. Often our use of language and phrases comes up. What followed the fog image was that my money is "out of my hands"! That was something I want to make a new choice about! That is when affirmations come into play and I work at establishing a new perspective and belief.

I have discovered that choices I made were based on the limited information from my childhood experiences, which equals a lot of misinformation! I had only my limited perspective on the world, and made a lot of assumptions based on what I saw, heard and felt in my family relationships. Yet these early choice/beliefs have influenced my perspective about my relationship to life, my whole life!

What I tell my friends is "Ask yourself that question and write what comes to mind - that answer lies within you. I'd like to give you the answer, but I can't reach in there and find it! If you can see yourself in a situation, write as if you were watching a movie and making notes - don't worry about grammar and punctuation! You're not writing a story as much as you are witnessing your story." As a child these experiences are just that - experienced! There are no words at the time of the experience, but now we can record that experience and have a chance to look at it differently and make new choices.

Lately, in February, I was asking the question "What is making me so afraid of creating my art?" during a weekend seminar, of a year long program I am enrolled in. I had a sensation of this hovering predatory presence, overlooking my every move. I was very afraid that it would eat me. Where did this come from? It was attached to my fear of creating my artwork, which made no sense to me and was something I have been struggling with for years - "Why can't I be successful as an artist?" I continued to journal over the weekend and afterward I suddenly made the connection! My dad died when I was seven years old. It seemed that my full-of-life-and-laughter Daddy had been swallowed up by this unknown force, called "death". No one could prevent it. It was so powerful it could take away my dad, who was bigger-than-life to me. When I began drawing, I would often have the sensation of a "spiritual" presence - larger than me - working through me. I think that I made the connection between "all-powerful-death" and the "larger than me presence" to be the same thing. I had developed a strong connection to my idea of a benevolent and loving God, and yet lived in an overwhelming fear of annihilation.

By following my image of the hovering presence, I was slowly able to uncover the contrasting ideas that have plagued my creative life. The first time I had an inkling of this hovering presence was when we went to Italy in 2009 - I was overwhelmed by the huge statues on the tops of buildings, looking down upon the people like judges, or "God". I think that was when I first began to articulate this belief from childhood.

That led to other uncovering - I wrote November 2010, about feeling "like a fairy trapped in an overturned glass jar, held down by a big, hairy ogre" - to which my friend asked "So where are you being a big, hairy ogre to yourself?" That was a jaw-dropper!!! But also a stepping stone placed on my path by journaling - to discovering a deeper belief that had even more influence on my life - I had this powerful, controlling menace, which kept me from being myself, and having what I want. Success would always be taken from me.

Now, in February, once discovered/uncovered, I could see that I made a choice based on misinformation. I am now free to see that fear is not related to my creativity, to being successful, or to being recognized. Being successful and recognized no longer means that the next step is annihilation! That fear is from my past, and not from today.

I'm just starting to blog, getting my website up and running. I have lots of pages in my journals, on my computer and handwritten. It is my nature to reflect and ask what's going on? My creativity in my artwork and in my life is the same thing. I see how everything in my life is connected because the common denominator is me! I hope that you also find a kinship in me, that what I write is a nudge or inkling for your well-being and creativity! I truly believe everyone is the same I AM of Creation, like facets on a diamond. I look forward to your comments giving me an insight or tweak - we are in this together, we are connected because we are one and the same. If my personal journey of healing and inspiration, creativity and cycles touches you, then we are together already!