I've had two weeks vacation, and I've been busy! My husband Michael, and I, don't often go away, and this was the usual "vacation/staycation". There is so much to do here in Victoria and its surrounding area. We discovered a new park for us - Portage Park, a lovely cove with an island in the centre. We visited Glendale Gardens, a horticultural garden five minutes up the road from us! We went to Galiano Island for two days, and stayed at the Driftwood Village - a great place with our own cabin. We drove up the island to see pottery, ceramics and glass artists. We watched one of the hockey play-off games at the Hummingbird Inn Pub. I shopped and met the lovely owner of Gallery 33 and bought a unique silver bracelet at Now and Zen.

I then had my weekend away at my business and personal development seminar. I was totally immersed in such a nurturing and supportive space there, gaining clarity, and spending social time with my team of women as we walked around Kelowna's lakeside.

When I came home, Michael and I also went to Pacific Northwest Raptors outside of  Duncan, where we had a half day training with the birds. Michael held Tuori, a Harris Hawk, on his glove and I held Elton, a Spectacled Owl from Panama. I love the Harris Hawks and they are well known for their cooperative behaviour with humans because they are flock raptors, unlike most solitary raptors - they naturally like being in relationship with others. Elton surprised me, though. I hadn't much connection with him during the tour (we took a tour in February and saw the demonstration, as well as a personal tour this time). When he stepped up onto my glove and sat with me, he was a very curious and vocal fellow. Then our guide, Jamie, showed me how Elton liked to have the feathers at the top of his beak scratched! Well, he was such a sweetheart - he'd lean forward into my hand as I scratched him, and close his big eyes, shutting his soft gray eyelids so I could see his little eyelashes! When I stopped scratching, he'd slowly open his eyes, still leaning forward, as if just "coming to" from a deep meditation! Who wouldn't be charmed by such a dear little fellow! I loved the energy of being with him, just like any animal will center my energy. We took Elton down to the demonstration area, and took turns feeding him, as he flew to us from his perch. Then we watched the demonstration, which had Tuori, a vulture, a barn owl, and a Peregrine Falcon flying to the trainer. After that we had our guide, Bronwyn, take us on a Hawk Walk, where she let another Harris Hawk, Annakan, fly out among the trees, and had him fly back to our gloves during our walk.

The point of my relating this snapshot of my vacation, is that among these excursions, we worked at my mom's garden and removed stuff to the local dump, cleaned our house and did errands. These things, though accomplishing them, bring up feelings in me of inadequacy. It is never ending!! I never seem to be finished in the garden, that's a given with the growing season going full tilt! Yet it is like housework - whatever I accomplish, in a week it is back where I started! I can become very distracted with this aspect - feeling less-than in the face of monstrous blackberry bushes!

What I realized is that being on Galiano, just doing what we felt like, being at my seminar course on the weekend, being with my friends, being with the wild(ish) birds, being in nature, are all supportive of my Being: being in the present moment/fulfilled. Whereas all the "chores", errands, needs, can distract me into feeling "not enough". I feel drained of energy, though I am accomplishing "things". It's being caught up in the doing of stuff, and not Being. I felt like after my seminar weekend, where I felt like a big, still, clear lake, I was being drained of all that self-contained energy by leaks streaming into the never-ending, always needing attention, world. This is not the world I want to create, it is not My World. I am being at the effect and not the Cause in this world. It brings me back to the book "Inner Simplicity" by Elaine St. James, which I blogged about earlier (under "Simplicity"). Yes, the world needs attending to, I just need to be aware of maintaining my balance in myself, being centered regardless of my circumstance or distractions.

I have a routine during my work week, which I related in my blog "Simplicity", that takes time to "be" - art, nature, swimming on my breaks. On vacation/staycation, I always plan for time for similar activities - such as the visit to the raptor center and going to Galiano - beside doing "chores" that need attending to. This time, even more, I realized that spending time "being" is also nurturing the creation of my artwork. "Being" is where I paint from - it's not a "doing" activity! I didn't create as much art as I hoped to, this "staycation", but I don't have the desire to be rigid about my creativity either. I'm glad I did what we did these last two weeks. I also gained, even more clearly, the recognition of how important taking deliberate time for myself to BE: to center myself, to BE where I am and not be distracted, to reflect, to plan, to meditate and pray, to appreciate, to repeat my affirmations, to play, to be aware of my actions, to be in nature, enables me to maintain my balance and creativity.

I was reading a book called "Inner Simplicity" by Elaine St. James, who is also the author of "Simplify Your Life". Early in the book, on page 10 she says "I found it wasn't sufficient to cut my work schedule so I had the time to spend in peaceful solitude on Saturday afternoon, if I spent that time worrying about the grocery shopping, or getting the lawn mowed or what we were going to take to Jack's potluck dinner Saturday night....You'll find it's much easier to enjoy the full benefits of your quiet time if you're able to reduce the distractions and the energy drains as well." On page 29 she writes about creativity and says "For many of us, the ability to tap into our creativity comes only after we have slowed down to the point where we can take the time to get centered. Learning to be and learning to be creative are two sides of the same coin." and the last piece for me, on page 31 "....I've learned that if things aren't going well, I need to slow down and listen. When I get back into sync, things start to flow again."

This has been my experience - the connection between taking time and just being with myself and my creativity. Taking time is about setting aside time - and that is about prioritizing what is important to me. Some things do get put on the back burner. I have only a certain amount of time and energy, and life in my household is more than I can keep up with, even when it's just me and my husband! The other day, just like many days, I have a break and must decide the most important and efficient thing to do with that extra hour. Sometimes it's worth the 30 minute round trip, in order to come home and paint for an hour. If it's a bit longer, I also swim three times a week - I do find that my commitment level to swimming somehow "creates" the time to swim : somehow I always find the time. Sometimes it's an errand - but I have to keep careful tabs on errand running. Sometimes it isn't enough time to come home to paint, so instead I spend 30 to 40 minutes in the park at a picnic table, working with coloured pencils in my drawing pad. Or with that same time frame: go walk at the beach or in the wooded park or even an antique store (being careful that I don't actually buy something!), to observe and to listen - to nature and my inner conversation and inspiration. Sometimes it's 10 - 15 minutes to journal.

These are all enriching and informative activities for my relationship with myself. This is really the only relationship I have! Think about it - in all my many relationships, the only person I am really dealing with is myself and my beliefs and perspectives. I am the most important relationship I have, because I'm stuck with me! If I don't understand myself, all my other relationships will suffer - because I will blame the other person for my wants and reactions : which they cannot ever be responsible for or fix for me. When my friend is upset, I don't fall into making their reactions personal - "taking it on" as it were, because I'm centered in who I am and where my boundaries of where I begin and end are clear. I am able to be more objective and that makes me a much more valuable friend because then I can really support them, instead of stirring up more confusing emotions between us.

So in taking time to be with myself, and listening to what I need to do with the time I have, I develop a relationship with myself which supports me in my life. I listen to my inner direction and honor it : I ask "Which direction is the most clear?" when driving, and make the turn when the urge guides me. I say "I really need a parking spot next to the door" and feel in my body, which direction to go, to finding the perfect spot. When I get anxious, I sing "laa, laa, laa" like "Babe" the pig (!), to relax and get in sync with the stream of energy for my benefit! I find the more I listen, the more I receive - synchronicity is possibly the word.

If I am listening to my body/emotional needs for what activity and direction I need in the moment, certainly I am able to hear my creative urge, moving me in certain image collecting or using a certain colour. These inner urges are my alphabet and language expressing what is in my heart, and actually what is in the collective human heart. What I'm trying to communicate as an artist, is actually what I am actually trying to communicate as a human being. Someone out there understands my language - I am able to speak on their behalf until they are able to articulate for themselves, what is in their heart. So this work of being in relationship with myself is also the best thing I can do for my community!

Slowing my lifestyle down enough, giving myself enough room to negotiate the day to include space and silence, nurtures my creativity and my humanity - aren't they one and the same? I'd like to think so!! Living without distractions is almost impossible, but I can reduce the distractions because I'm clear on what my priorities are. I am living my best by balancing my well-being between my inner and outer needs. Priority is given to my inner needs because they nurture my outer life, but it's good to get those dishes done, because otherwise they clutter up my mind and emotions, too!